In a startling development it has been announced that, just like something from a Hollywood sci-fi blockbuster, a team of micro divers is to be assembled and will enter the ‘bloodstream’ of Theresa May in an attempt to lay to rest once and for all suggestions that she is a cold and unfeeling android.
Project Leader, Grayham Barnett, told reporters: ‘Thanks to new top-secret technology, our team can be reduced temporarily to microscopic size so we will be able to search inside the PM to see if we can find any traces of personality or even a scintilla of human brain activity.’
It’s understood that Barnett’s team will be ingested painlessly through Mrs May’s nightly glass of warm milk and that they will have ten hours to complete their mission. However already there are those suggesting that the venture is a total waste of time.
ITV’s Political Editor, Robert Peston, told viewers: ‘I’ve interviewed her so may times now and trust me, there’s nothing going on there. Nowt – zilch – nada! I believe the original Mrs May is being held prisoner somewhere and Maybot was created in a lab when David Cameron pissed off leaving Britain totally shafted.
‘She’ is now being operated by Boris Johnson’s team to ensure she makes a monumental balls-up of Brexit so the blundering buffoon can overthrow her as leader and seize control for himself.’
Meanwhile Sir David Attenborough has been put on standby to present a new ten-part BBC series using the video footage to be obtained by Barnett’s team. Details are sketchy but an insider has confirmed the working title of the new show is ‘Beyond the Realms of Reality’.