Reports are emerging that Hobbiton Police were called to a disturbance at the Green Dragon Pub in The Shire, Middle Earth, following a violent brawl broke out between a gang of elves and hobbits who had been watching the second semi-final in the Mystical World Cup being held in Mordor.
Sam Gamgee, a gardener from The Hill area told reporters: ‘I was just sitting there with my master, like, and the teams had just taken to the pitch for the start of the second half when all of a sudden this elf matey jumps up on a table, all silk and golden locks, points at the hobbits and starts singing ‘you’re all shit with hairy feet, doo-dah doo-dah. You’re all shit with hairy feet, doo-dah doo-dah day.’
‘Well that was it and it all kicked off big style with chairs, bottles and glasses flying everywhere. Total carnage and very scary. But luckily this old geezer, Mr Gandalf, had just arrived in the village and next thing he shakes his staff and the bar was enveloped by all these coloured lights, after which everything calmed down again. Mind, I feels dazed and confused now and don’t even know who won the game.’
Author JRR Tolkien was unavailable for comment being as he is, sadly deceased, but scholars of his work are suggesting that the fight was an allegorical reference to an impending battle between good and evil and that perhaps the evil Lord Sauron might be ‘at it’ again.
Meanwhile there are further reports that Gamgee’s master, local celebrity Frodo Baggins, somehow disappeared into thin air and has not been seen since the fracas.