Fears are growing today over the whereabouts and welfare of the self styled world’s greatest newspaper and broadcast journalist, Piers Morgan. He has not been seen since Friday when he boarded Airforce One, after having told anyone who could be bothered to listen to him, even GMB’s toilet cleaner, that he was ‘off to undertake the greatest and most important world exclusive journalistic assignment since time began’.
Sources close to President Donald Trump’s claque of boot-licking yes-men that he laughingly calls his advisors, confirmed that Morgan was indeed aboard the plane when it took off from Stanstead Airport on Friday evening and that the GMB Anchor was seen in close proximity to the President’s arsehole throughout the flight. But worryingly that seems to have been the last sighting of the hapless sycophant.
Professor Brian Cox hypothesised on what could have happened. ‘Mr Trump’s bumhole is a very dangerous area for anyone infatuated by him. It generates a vortex-like disturbance in the space time continuum that can draw matter into it. I believe that on this occasion poor Piers has strayed too close to the presidential orifice, has been absorbed and is now part and parcel of Mr Trump’s very being.’
‘It’s something of an ignominious ending for him, continued the permanently-grinning Professor ‘but to try and take a positive from this, Piers was so obviously in love with Mr Trump that it’s almost like he’s died and gone to heaven.’
Meanwhile Morgan’s TV co-host on Good Morning Britain, Susanna Reid, is now said to be delighted that once again she will be able to get a word in edgeways on the show