Sales Rep, Gordon Thomas, couldn’t believe what he saw as he was taking a well-earned break from his high pressure deal-closing schedule in Burger King at Pease Pottage Motorway Services yesterday.
Because suddenly a fissure in the space time continuum opened up just beside the door to the gents and out stepped a figure clad in a shimmering silver suit handing him a document, and then just as quickly the portal closed and the mysterious figure disappeared.
However what Gordon claims he was given is a dossier from ten years in the future which details Britain’s catastrophic buggering up of the Brexit process and the subsequent fallout that it will entail.
The traumatised Rep said: ‘I read it cover to cover and it’s just so terrifying that I daren’t tell you its contents. Well anyway not until my book comes out in the run up to Christmas.’
All he would share is that future Britain is no longer a monarchy but is ruled by Grand Dictator, Boris the Wise. Most of the population eke out a dreadful living in a post-catastrophic wasteland working as underpaid servants for the wealthy and that a terrifyingly realistic hologram of Margaret Thatcher presents Strictly Come Dancing.
Seemingly the only crumb of comfort to be had in a bleak future is that Simon Cowell and his stable of so-called artistes are incarcerated in Wormwood Scrubs where they are all serving life sentences without parole for crimes against music.