Following this year’s World Cup tournament, and in what many are saying was a long overdue move, the government has announced it is to bring in legislation immediately that will see future impromptu performances of ‘Three Lions’ by groups of England supporters outlawed, with offenders having to pay a hefty £80 per person spot fine.

A spokesman from the Department for Digital, Culture, Media & Sport said: ‘We had to do something really, as all those gangs of tone-deaf beer-swilling 25 stone bruisers, wearing Union Jack shorts and bellowing out the song made Britain look common as muck around the world this Summer.’

‘Now you see, it was just the ticket when before the quarter final at changing of the guard ceremony, the military band gave a splendidly mellifluous rendition, continued the spokesman, ‘We were thinking that perhaps if string quartets could be employed by pubs during games to accompany fans then, these impromptu outbreaks could be handled with more compassion and leniency.’

Meanwhile it’s understood that to feed the nation’s unquestionable appetite for the song, there will be three official versions broadcast on all media and social networking platforms at 9am, noon and 8pm daily during England’s 2020 Euro campaign until they are knocked out.