A man from Skegness who revealed he has started to take The Daily Mail after having taken The Guardian since 1974, has become widely regarded as a total dick by nearly everyone.
The man, who can’t be named, but who is believed to be a close relative of the eponymous man who can’t be moved in the song by popular chart band, The Script, told us: ‘I thought it was just time for a change. I’m fed up with all these bloody foreigners, Muslims and dole-scroungers bleeding this country dry with free State handouts of £5000 per week for each member of their family.’
‘Especially when you consider there’s normally at least 23 of them living on top of one another in every bedroom of these four-bedroomed mansions they’re awarded rent-free, then that’s £460,000 a week we’re all forking out. The Mail seems to be the only paper highlighting this shocking state of affairs.’
When it was put to the man the reason for that is because The Mail’s agenda is to spread hatred, bigotry and fear by printing such blatantly hate-fuelled untrue drivel he said: ‘No, you’ve got that wrong it’s true. I read it in my newspaper.’
Meanwhile the only person to welcome the move is the man’s paperboy. Speaking outside The Sweetie Box down the precinct where he’s based he said: ‘This is great news as it means my bag is going to be a bit lighter than it used to be, particularly at weekends, and now if I have to take a shit during my round, as the man’s house is actually my last drop then I’ll always have a handy supply of toilet paper.’