Aides of His Holiness Pope Francis, have confirmed The Pontiff is to make an addition to his schedule during this weekend’s visit to Ireland, when he will preside over a ceremony that sees The Holy Stone of Clonrichert upgraded from a category 2 relic to the highest possible classification of  ‘A Very Holy Thing Indeed Altogether’ (AVHTIA).

The stone has long been associated with Ireland’s success in The Eurovision Song Contests with past winners, Johnny Logan and Dana, both having visited and kissed it before their respective wins. With its imminent elevation to AVHTIA it’s feared in some circles that this will assure the Irish become contest winners in perpetuity.

However Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has sounded a note of caution telling reporters: ‘This is a great thing for tourism but we must exercise care, because quite frankly the country cannot afford to host Eurovision annually, so it will be necessary to ban any of our future entrants visiting the stone before taking part.

Meanwhile Craggy Island’s Parish Priest, Fr. Ted Crilly, and his curate, Fr. Dougal McGuire were spotted going into a Dublin recording studio with grime artist, Stormsy, where showbiz insiders understand they are mixing a new version of their own failed Euro Song, My Lovely Horse, as a possible entry for next year’s contest.