There was chaos this morning at Manchester United’s scheduled training session after problems with their kit delivery rendered the session completely ineffectual, as players and management staff alike were unable to find the right tracksuits, tops and training bibs.

A red-faced Jose Mourinho told reporters: ‘It was disaster. We order new training kit for team and staff and when it is coming no people at factory is stitching on initials. Crazy! So guys is all trying on wrong gear and it is big mix-up. Nothing fit.’

‘Paul Pogba is nearly strangling himself trying to get into Luke Shaw’s top and Felliani is pulling hamstring because of wrong size trackie bottoms. In end training and set-piece practice is not getting done. It is right old British kerfuffle!’

A spokesman for kit suppliers Addidas said: ‘There was a packing mistake and the kit for the actual team got mixed up with the stock for the general public. We have rectified the situation now with he correct monogrammed clothes having been rushed to Old Trafford.

Meanwhile furious former United Manager, now honourary meddler-in-chief Sir Alex Ferguson, said: ‘Today’s players are like big kids, so much so that I have spoken to the club chairman, and just like in nursery school we’re going to introduce named coat-pegs in the dressing room for everyone so this kind of thing doesn’t happen again.’