Following an attempted burglary at his exclusive London mansion when Jamie Oliver pursued the would-be robber down the road and detained him until police arrived, the celebrity chef has revealed the incident has now inspired him to start a new campaign to introduce a better standard of food in Britain’s prisons.
He told reporters: ‘It all came about when I was sitting on this guy’s head waiting for PC Plod to arrive. The geezer was proper distraught and told me as a hopeless recidivist he now feared that he’d be back inside within a few days, quite literally eating grey cold and lumpy tasteless porridge.’
‘Well in my book that’s bang out of order! Criminals would respond better if instead of these horrible slops they were given nice pastas, spicy curries and delicately pan-fried sea bass at their grub time. So I’m in negotiations with Channel 4 for a new series that will see me and one of my mates visit prisons around the Mediterranean then go out for a free nosh and piss-up session at a nice Michelin starred restaurant nearby.’
‘Next day I’ll do some lame food sketch in the nick for the inmates, cooking a cheapo-cheapo version of what we had the previous night, make an impassioned plea to the Prison Governor to up his kitchen’s game then we’re outta there. Wicked! There will be a best-selling book to accompany the series, so – bish-bash-bosh! – everyone’s a winner, but mostly me of course. Pukka!’