Broadcasting Regulator, Ofcom, has taken decisive action following thousands of complaints it received about the current series of cooking show, Great British Menu, insisting The BBC takes it off the air immediately. And it’s not before time either say the show’s critics.

‘Cooking on TV has come a long way since the time when hard-faced old trout and battle-axe Fanny Craddock mercilessly bossed around her cowered and henpecked husband, Johnnie,’ says TV critic Kevin O’Sullivan, ‘But at least Fanny showed us how to make fairy cakes, roast chicken and toad in the hole; things we might have actually wanted to eat.’

‘However on Friday’s episode of GBM, where the current series brief is to pay homage to the NHS we had something called, Fetch me the bedpan Matron, rustled up by one competitor while another gave us, Blimey O’Reilly missus woman, the ambulance has toppled into a ditch’.

‘Both dishes comprising of the most preposterous array of ingredients and employing equipment and techniques better suited to an astrophysics laboratory. The whole show is nothing but highfalutin pseudo-drivel for God only knows who. Waitrose shoppers most likely.’

One viewer, Agnes Difford from Pease Pottage, agrees with O’Sullivan. She told us: ‘Oh, it’s really becoming ever so silly. Last week I was trying to cook a nice bit of, We’re going to have to clean out that festering wound, Nurse, for my Bert’s tea, when I lost the top of my finger using a scalpel and cauterising iron.’