President Donald Trump’s hair is punching well below its weight and needs to seriously think about moving to the head of some other much more worthy celebrity, says a new study compiled by the American Society of Trichology.
Cody Schlibbits, the society’s press officer told Good Morning America: ‘The President’s hair is world famous and recognised in every corner of the globe. Just absolutely everywhere.’
‘And quite honestly for it to be throwing itself away so cheaply by just sitting atop the head of such a hopelessly gormless idiot is completely crazy. Does it have no self respect or ambition at all?’
‘We have written to it and suggested it should maybe look into taking up with someone different and more worthy like Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt. You know, really make a statement that says “Hey look at me! I’m a world class hairdo!”
But a source close to Mr Trump has suggested that the hair daren’t ever try to ‘bust free’ because it is trapped within a complicated symbiotic relationship with the President.
‘For The President’s hair to try and go it alone without him would be suicide for them both, says the source. ‘They just kinda suit one another after all this time. The world just laughs when it sees them together and that suits us all.’
‘In much the same way as everyone sniggers when they see First Lady, Melania, together with The President. Hey, look, we get the back story but all immediately know the real score.’