Reports have emerged Her Majesty The Queen is believed to be letting her love of the sport of Kings get out of control, with sources close to Buckingham Palace saying she is neglecting matters of state because she has become heavily addicted to gambling on horses.

Octogenarian courtier and lady-in-waiting, Stephanie de Monfort- Brookes explains. ‘Monarchs are meant to spend all day sitting on a throne, dressed in ermine robes, wearing a crown and dispensing wisdom to every corner of their realm. But not so the current incumbent it seems.’

‘Recently she’s been conspicuously absent from the throne chamber in Windsor Castle but has been spotted several times in recent months at nearby Ascot racecourse.’

On-course turf accountant ‘Honest’ Barry Beamish, confided: ‘I don’t know if I should be telling you this like pal, cos I’ll probably end up in the tower or summink. But anyway, I’m stood here on me pitch and up comes Her Majesty wiff the Dook.’

‘We’ll have a monkey on Lucky Jo-Jo on the two-thirty, she says, and then get this…as we are the Queen of course we do not carry actual money on our person, that would be unspeakably vulgar, but please do trust us my good man – we are good for any losses should our selection prove unsuccessful.’

‘Well what could I do like? I ‘ad to take the bet, but I’ll tell you this, she was more than happy to carry ‘er bleedin’ winnings half an hour later before her and the Dook pissed off into the Champagne Bar!”