ABBA fans around the world are said to be distraught after one of the group’s most-loved and iconic songs was hijacked by a ruthless team of speech writers and image makers in a lame attempt to breath life into a dead duck.
Dancing Queen was used this week at the Conservative Party Conference to welcome Britain’s Prime Minister, Theresa May, onto the stage to deliver her keynote speech to a group of octogenarian, blue-rinsed, ill-informed reactionary bigots and xenophobes, as well as some Tory MPs.
But even before the music had stopped reverberating around the hall Sweden had tabled an emergency motion to be debated at the United Nations claiming theft of intellectual property and mass traumatisation of an entire nation.
Looking shocked and distraught Sweden’s Minister for Art and Culture, Lars Sigmunsson, told reporters: ‘This is an act tantamount to the declaration of war by Britain. These images of today have been burnt into the collective cognisance of the entire Swedish nation and we will never be able to listen to this song ever again. In one fell swoop we have been heartlessly robbed of a large piece of our culture, however we will not stand by idly and accept such an outrage. We demand reparations.’
Meanwhile a spokesman for BBC’s Strictly Come Dancing said: ‘All four judges happened to see Mrs May’s speech today during a break in the shooting schedule, and unfortunately they have now been admitted to hospital suffering from acute PTSD.’
‘It’s doubtful if they will ever recover and we may now have to consider abandoning this entire series. But at the very least, week seven, which was to be have been an ABBA special is now totally fucked.’