West Midlands Police have released a statement warning the public to be on the look out for a ‘sepulchral and odd looking-figure’ that has been spotted skulking around the shadows at the Conservative Party Conference in Birmingham. The figure is male and is reported to have a pale and wan complexion, is dressed in a top-hat, morning coat, silk cape, gaiters and crimson waistcoat with gold pocket watch and chain. It’s also thought he wears small round-rimmed spectacles. The police have stressed that although they don’t believe him to be dangerous per se, he is most certainly deluded. Detective Inspector Alan Protheroe leading the hunt said: ‘The man we are after has a unique way of speaking and this alone will easily identify him should you be accosted. It’s almost as if he’s been somehow transported into the present day from Victorian London or perhaps from the pages of a PG Wodehouse novel.’ One delegate who says they have actually had a shocking encounter with the figure said: ‘I’m sure I bumped into him in a quiet and deserted corridor leading from the upper auditorium. He approached me and said ‘Good day my good fellow, a mayhap but a moment of your time if you will, in order that I might canvass your views ‘pon the vexing but most important matter of…’ ‘Well that’s all I heard. I just broke out in a cold sweat and ran for my life. It was the most terrifying thing that’s ever happened to me. And I served in Afghanistan for two years. I really hope the police find this guy quickly.’