There are reports today that the UK’s media journalists covering Prince Harry and Meghan’s Australian tour have been stricken en masse by a virulent strain of Sycophantosis, with serious concerns now growing that for the remainder of the trip, Britain’s news bulletins will not be peppered with endless reports full of queasy forced smiles to camera and obscene servile groveling as the Royal couple walk around a bit in some places.

One Sky reporter speaking from the ICU of a Sydney hospital said: ‘This is terrible because since the dawn of time there has never been a better overseas trip made by Royals. I have been warned that I must stay in bed for the next three weeks but I told my doctors ‘fuck that’, if they think I’m not going to lay down my life to cover this then they can think again.’

Dr Peter Wong from London’s Hospital For Rare Disease explains the illness. ‘Sycophantosis is thankfully very rare in the UK, although after Piers Morgan recently interviewed Donald Trump it came back firmly on our radar again. It is brought on by extended episodes of shameful fawning and forelock-tugging towards those that victims are in awe of, typically members of the Royal Family.’ ‘

‘Symptoms include paralysis of the facial muscles, locking the sufferer’s expression in a fixed sickly smile, along with drooling, unnecessary cooing and uncontrollable ejaculation of seminal fluid in the case of ITV’s Alastair Stewart.’