Red faces are predicted at Conservative Central Office when a sensational Panorama exposé, due to be broadcast next week, will claim the Prime Minister, several senior Cabinet Ministers and up to ten other high-profile Tory MPs have already applied for and received Irish passports.
The news was leaked to the iconic hard-hitting investigative show by a source at The Irish passport Office in London who did not want to be identified.
With her voice altered so she sounded like Darth Vader, visible only in silhouette and concealed behind a translucent screen, senior processing clerk Sinead O’Williams said, ‘I couldn’t believe it when they all trotted in behind Mrs May for the express one-day service.’
Members of the 1922 Committee are said to be fuming and it’s understood heads will roll once the programme airs in what’s being seen as a gross betrayal of Brexit negotiations.
In one leaked extract form the show posted online, and acting on a tipoff, the team attempts to doorstep Boris Johnson at his constituency office.
However Mr Johnson was apparently not on the premises but instead a portly blond shock-headed galumphing oaf of a man wearing a ginger beard and green velvet Guinness floppy top-hat identifying himself as Dr. Bóris O’Shaughnessy said.
‘I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I… um-um-um-um… Ah shure, ha-ha-ha! Erm… A-roogha! A-roogah! Faith, begorrah and begob, Oi’d say dis yarn is a roight load of oul rubbish and no mishtake, me fine buckos. Lookit lads, Oi’ve never heard o’ dis fella Johnson at all at all. Ye have the wrong man altogether.’