With polling day for next week’s American midterm elections almost upon us, aides of Donald Trump are becoming increasingly more concerned about ‘distracting’ matters of state interfering with his endless schedule of appearances at rallies to hordes of brain-dead morons and squirrel-munching redneck bigots.
Said one Trump insider who asked to remain anonymous: ‘This week he’s taken time off to go and do some other stuff instead of cramming in even more rallies. That’s a high-risk strategy. He needs to understand his supporters are so stupid they’ll forget who he is by Tuesday if he doesn’t keep holding these grotesquely stage-managed sham events.’
‘What we really need him to do is stand on platform after platform surrounded by nut-jobs and fools, in an environment where he can safely make incendiary hate-filled speeches and then blame the violent consequences of these on the ‘fake news and media’ organisations.’
However Trump has been cautioned under no circumstances should he try and ride any wave of perceived personal popularity by attempting to leap off the stage and crowd-surf around the audience.
‘If a twenty-five stone useless orange lump of lard lands on a group of doddering geriatrics it can only end badly, and the last thing we need is another incident involving mass loss of life before polling day,’ added the insider.