Millions of TV viewers along with the X Factor’s live show audience watched in disbelief as live on air last night pop impresario, and some say dream-maker Simon Cowell, was eaten alive by a pair of malevolent trousers believed to have been planted in his dressing room in an elaborate switch sting by TV rival Bruno Tonioli
One act that Simon was mentoring had just performed and was being judged when suddenly the TV Mogul appeared to get into extreme difficulties.
With fellow judges looking on in horror the waistband of his trousers began to rise rapidly up over his chest and envelope his entire body. ‘The last thing we heard was a piercing stream as Simon’s flailing right hand disappeared from view,’ said a clearly shaken Robbie Williams.
It’s thought that Williams himself narrowly escaped the same fate when at one point the trousers rounded on him as he rushed to Cowell’s aid.
But malevolent trousers expert Donald McCoy was not convinced: ‘The trousers were sated after eating Simon and in my considered opinion could not have managed another quarry so soon. It was lucky for Robbie, but not so for the rest of us sadly.’
Fighting back the tears former X Factor judge and national treasure Cheryl sobbed: ‘Eee, Ah telt him that yerz cudden trust heigh-waisted troosaz, man. B-b-b-burry wudden evah listen an noo look watz happened, Pet.’
The Met Police’s Detective Inspector Don Freeman told reporters: ‘We have several lines of inquiry we’re pursuing currently and I can confirm one of these concerns the rivalry between X Factor and Strictly Come Dancing – but I can’t elaborate at this stage.’
Meanwhile Strictly Judge Tonioli told Sky News something, but as usual amid the over-the-top gesturing and heavy Italian accent, what he said was completely unintelligible.