With the nation still reeling following the shocking demise of pop impresario, Simon Cowell, who sadly met his untimely demise live on air at the weekend when he was devoured alive by a pair of malevolent high-waisted trousers, The Met Police has held a press conference confirming that they have cornered the suspect trousers in a disused warehouse in London’s Canvey Island.
Detective Inspector Don Freeman told reporters: ‘Acting on a tip-off I can confirm we have the prime suspect in this shocking case, to wit a malevolent pair of black high-waisted trousers, holed up in a warehouse in Docklands. We have now thrown a one-mile exclusion zone around the entire area and specially trained officers are involved in conflict resolution talks even as I speak.’
Trouser expert Donald McCoy speaking on BBC Breakfast said: ‘This is a dangerous situation and it could end very badly if not handled correctly. The trousers are scared and hungry as they probably haven’t eaten now for upwards of twenty-four hours. That makes them both desperate, and in my view, likely to stop at nothing in a death or glory tilt at busting out of the siege.’
There will be no immediate attempt to rush the trousers with police continuing the delicate negotiations. Latest reports from the scene suggest that currently things have reached an impasse.
More updates as we get them…