News that Swedish supergroup ABBA is about to release two new tracks for Christmas following time all four members spent in the studio earlier this year, has been met with a mixed response, following concerns were raised last night about what stage gear they would appear in should they decide to promote the material.
Music critic John Landers commented: ‘This is wonderful news that ABBA might actually be back. They’d certainly show the likes of Simon Cowell and his troupe performing puppets what real pop music written and performed by real musicians and singers is all about. In any event at least the Christmas number one is a shoo-in for Benny, Bjorn, Agnetha and Anni-Frid even if they don’t appear together in person.’
However a more discordant note has been sounded by Chief Inspector Alan Warren of The Fashion Police who said: ‘We have been reviewing old photos and videos of ABBA performing in the 1970s and 80s and it’s very worrying.’
‘We must warn all four members that any attempt to perform similarly dressed this time around would be met with immediate mass pixelation across all broadcast and social media platforms.’
‘What’s more I will not rule out criminal proceedings with possible custodial sentences a very real consideration should they transgress.’
The Chief Inspector continued: ‘We have worked too hard to eradicate the sight of grown men appearing on stage wearing sky-blue and mauve paisley-pattern lamé one-piece jumpsuits with matching capes and cravats. I would just like to assure the public at large that this is never going to happen again. Certainly not on my watch. Not ever!’