Metropolitan Police are hunting for a gang of Daleks in connection with a bungled bank raid that took place in Peckham earlier today.
The robbery failed thanks to the intervention of plucky pensioner Bert Henessey, who told BBC London News what happened.
‘I was in there gettin’ me money out to go to the butchers to get a nice piece of sirloin for me tea. Then next thing, like, in trundles these three robot mateys and one of them goes up to the counter and says to the girl, *put-the-mon-ey-in-the-bag-dar-ling-and-no-body-will-get-hurt,* sort of all mechanical like.’
‘Well I weren’t having that,’ continued Albert, ‘So I goes up to give it a piece of my mind but it starts giving it all this old *exterminate-exterminate!* bollocks. So I says to it, fak off you tin bastard or I’ll knock your bleedin ‘ead off.’
‘Anyway, next it’s kinda waggled this plunger thing on its ‘ead at me then bleeped and buzzed a bit before we had something of a set-to. During the tussle I broke its plunger off and at that point it shouts, *Boll-ocks!-it’s-all-come-on-top,* and next thing they all scarpered!’
After praising Bert’s bravery Detective Constable Jim Finch of Peckham CID issued this warning. ‘If members of the public spot the Daleks we urge that they keep well clear. One is wounded and by now they’re most probably desperate. The safest course of action is to call Peckham CID and let us deal with it.