Following a national search Billericay pensioner and Daily Mail enthusiast, George Rankin, has officially been crowned as Britain’s person most likely to be offended by absolutely anything and everything, although he’s not going to let it go to his head.
Because the seventy-one year-old was marking the occasion today not as some might do with a well-earned pint, but instead was firing off a letter of complaint over his treatment during the selection.
He told Radio Essex: ‘What I had to endure during the entire process was a total disgrace. It started when it became clear that apparently I was going to have to fill in the application form. I mean do they think I have nothing better to do with my time?’
‘That sort of attitude is just not fair. What are those who can’t write meant to do? It’s arrogance to assume everyone can. I was raging as it’s simply persecuting the less well-educated members of society. Well I shall point out to the organisers the error of their ways and ask them to explain themselves.’
When asked what he intended to do once he’d posted the letter he rounded on the reporter. ‘So what makes you think I’m going to post a letter? This is 2018, chum, and there’s this thing called the Internet. I’m emailing my letter as an attachment. It’s just bloody typical of most to consign anyone over fifty five to the scrapheap suggesting we’re not up with technology. Well there will be a letter heading off to your boss I’m afraid.’
‘How did you become so thin-skinned, George?’ the hapless reporter carried on gamely. ‘It’s not easy,’ replied George ‘but I just work at it every day. Like one time for instance I was watching breakfast telly and couldn’t find anything to complain about at all.’
‘Not until I played the entire three hours back in super slo-mo and finally caught a glimpse of one presenter’s knickers. Mind I had to freeze the frame, transfer it to my laptop and magnify it by 2000. But I can normally find something to be offended by in anything at all. It only requires a little effort.’