To an unprecedented clamour of outrage from parents across the land, it has been announced by The Head Elf, that because of Brexit, Santa has signed a deal outsourcing the UK leg of his traditional Christmas Eve delivery round to a consortium of couriers comprising of Yodel, DPD and Hermes from Christmas 2019.
But already an online petition set up only three hours ago has been signed by more than 8 million people demanding the government steps in to veto the move and save future Christmases for the kids.
One such signatory, mum of three Doreen Pritchard said: ‘Can you just imagine Christmas morning next year when my kiddies wake up with none of their toys are at the foot of their beds? Instead there’ll just be little cards lying in the hall saying We tried to deliver your parcel but were unable to do so. Please call 0800 123 4567 to rearrange your delivery. It’s CHRISTMAS DAY for God sake! How can we do that!’
Another parent father of four, Mike Nelson, agrees: ‘I can just picture the scene on the big day with my four. Assuming any of the presents are delivered even remotely close to my address. All of us out frantically hunting around our own, or next door’s garden, looking under bushes or behind the garden shed to see what, if anything, has been chucked over the fence or hidden allegedly ‘out of sight’ in the middle of the driveway.’
However Christmas Expert, James Whelan, is not holding out a lot of hope that things will change before next year. ‘Santa simply will be unable to shift his position. Because of Brexit and as a foreigner he will no longer be able to enter Britain laden with packages without extensive searches being undertaken by customs and border control. And given his already colossal workload on the day there simply isn’t time to comply and fulfill the remainder of his global schedule so has no option but to outsource.’