Top creepy-crawly muncher, Bear Grylls, is to enter the celebrity food gadget business, vowing that he won’t be happy until he ends former World Heavyweight Boxing Champion George Foreman’s domination of the lucrative Christmas market.
Sitting by the campfire at his yurt near Pease Pottage, and munching on some boiled badger entrails, he told reporters: ‘My mission is to see my Gryller II become the explorer and survivalist’s number one go-to grilling device. With the Gryller’s unique features like worm sauté setting, a turd-purifying centrifuge and vomit waffle iron, then George’s Lean Mean Grilling Machine looks pretty sad in comparison.’
‘Simply connect the GryllerII to your smartphone via its USB port and delicious meals from foraged ingredients can be created within days. To knock up roadkill repasts will be a piece of piss, which by the way, you can survive on if you have no water supplies.’
But Foreman has played down the challenge: ‘Dude sounds like sounds like some kinda crazy man. People want to cook steaks, burgers and all kinds of stuff like that. Nobody’s gonna wanna cook his kind of shit… quite literally. Hey! See what I did there?’
Nevertheless Grylls remains upbeat and convinced he has his opponent on the ropes: ‘Just wait until my ad campaign featuring President Obama hits TV screens. George is going down and out for the count!’