Dr Sean Hennessey, known to many as the TV Supervet, has upset cat lovers by claiming cats are sly and scheming creatures that love to shit in your neighbour’s flowerbeds and and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it try as you might.
‘They’re bastards. They come with an inbuilt sense of malice and smug aloofness,’ explains Hennessey ‘and only let their guard down briefly when owners stand at the door, banging a can of cat food with a spoon and shouting their cat’s name in some stupidly high-pitched and what they imagine is an endearing way.’
‘But once they have eaten the food and have no more to gain by even so much as acknowledging anyone’s existence, let alone that of their owner, cats couldn’t give two fucks.’
‘They fully understand the fragile politics of inter-neighbour relations and really get off in upsetting this dynamic by not shitting on their own doorsteps, but by doing so on next door’s instead.’
Tiddles, a moggy owned by unmarried male thirty-nine year-old HR Manager, Paul Wheatley purred: ‘What can I say, I love the buzz of getting my owner into trouble by pissing in anyone else’s garden but his. ‘
‘Last week I caused a right scene when the stupid fool came out shouting the odds at our new neighbour who had tried to shoot me with a BB gun after I shat on his geraniums. Come on, how was I to know the neighbour was a professional wrestler and was going to beat seven bells out of my poor owner?’