President Trump is currently aboard Airforce One midway across the Atlantic en-route to Westminster before 6.00pm to ‘show that crazy Dame how to cut a deal and sort out this Brexit thing.’

Boarding the steps to the plane in Washington earlier he told reporters: ‘I do great deals, the best deals. I’m famous for it I even wrote a book about doing great deals called… erm… hey you there taking the umbrellas! What’s my book called? … Yeah that’s it… The Art of Noise. What a great book that is. Everybody says so. Just a great book. The greatest. Wow.’

‘It’s real simple. Her Majesty, Princess Thatcher, tells the Europe guys that she wants Britannia to leave their club. Any costs that move might incur then tough! Europe’s gotta pay them all. Every last cent or doubloon or whatever the hell Europe money’s called.’

‘That’s what I told the Mexicans about my fabulous wall. It’s gonna be built and they’re gonna pay for it. Yes they are. That’s why I’ve closed down government in the US until the Mexicans pay the $5.6 billion dollars.’

‘And that, buddy, is how you do a great deal right there.’