DUP Spokesman, Sammy Wilson, is set to be charged over breach of parliamentary rules and privileges for failing to declare in the register of members that he is also Coronation Star Big Jim McDonald. However he will first have to be ‘talked round’ by specially trained conflict resolution police officers.

The drama began when he was being interviewed about his party’s likely course of action after Mrs May’s Brexit deal was defeated. When asked by Huw Edwards if he was indeed big Jim, at first Wilson denied the accusation, but after it was put to him repeatedly and he was shown conclusive evidence on air, the East Antrim MP suddenly went into meltdown, kidnapped a cameraman and is now holed-up in a Palace of Westminster meeting room, refusing to come out until he gets assurances that he’s not going to have to go to ‘The Big House’ again.

Speaking to reporters through the locked door he said: ‘I’ve been foolish, so I have, by hoping to get away with this. Particularly after being endlessly interviewed on College Green I should’ve known I’d be likely to be rumbled so I should’ve. But see like, thon Nigel friggin’ Dodds couldn’t be arsed to do his fair share and now it’s all come on top and bit me on the arse, so it has.’

Meanwhile Big Jim has released a statement through his agent saying: What? Me and Sammy Wilson… the same person? For God’s sake will ye away and catch yourself on!’