You’ve finally been pushed too far by that guy who lives down your road. The one who wears shorts all year round irrespective of the weather. He’s now top of your your list of complete tossers, beating even Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg to the number one slot by a country mile. Well you’ve now had enough and next time you see him you’re going to tell him to get a fucking grip on himself.

What the hell is he on anyway… is he just a bloody idiot you constantly ask yourself. It’s absolutely crazy schlepping around dressing the way he does… there must be something wrong with him, surely… there’s gotta be a screw loose somewhere you reckon.

The final straw came yesterday morning when you were scraping the ice off your car in minus four degrees centigrade and he saunters by and yet again he’s only got on t-shirt, shorts, a pair of flip-flops and a bobble hat. He looked like he’d escaped from the local funny farm, the prat!

So next time you see him you will tell him what you think for once and for all – the stupid annoying bell end. In fact there he is now… yep… and he’s still in shorts!

Typical, if only you weren’t late for your anger management session you’d have it out with him right now…