Following last night’s annual debacle at The O2, better known as the National Television Awards (NTAs), it has been announced that to save everyone wasting two and a half hours of their extremely valuable time, awards in each category will now be held by the winners for a period of fifty years unless a recipient dies in office or else members of winning double acts fall out with one another.

Tabloid Entertainment and Showbiz Correspondent Martin Day says: ‘It’s becoming a joke with Philip Schofield & Holly Willoughby along with Ant & Dec winning for just turning up.’

‘In Ant and Dec’s case they didn’t actually bother their arses turning up last night in fact; not to mention that Ant did sod all throughout 2018 so how they were even considered as being  eligible God only knows.’

However media analyst Kevin Nelson believes he has the answer. ‘The problem is that these gongs are not voted for by peers within the industry of the intended recipients but instead they are in the gift of the Great British Public.’

‘Like HELLO! The Great British Public? SERIOUSLY? Are you KIDDING me? These are the morons who were actually allowed to vote in the EU Referendum and look at what we got as a result. Fucking Brexit!’