New recently published research reveals that people who leave comments on news stories on online comments pages are dangerous, intolerant, inevitably racist, definitely xenophobic and statistically stand more than an 89% likelihood of having been diagnosed as psychotic by a least three different mental health professionals in the last five years.

Of course you only read comments pages for your own amusement but you can now take comfort in the publication of the research which seems to corroborate your own views.

Only this morning you were reading a piece about a woman whose weight has reached 47 stone and who is consequently unable to climb the stairs to her bedroom.  She is now sleeping in the dog kennel on the patio.

However you were genuinely moved, although puzzled when the first public comment was from someone offering the woman real practical support and help, but you faith was quickly restored when the next fifty replies mocked and abused her with six of them actually threatening extreme physical violence on the ‘good Samaritan’, if they could somehow find out where they lived.

Speaking on BBC News Professor Roland Peters who conducted the research said: ‘Unpalatable as it is to most decent members of society, nevertheless this is undoubtedly a serious medical condition. However the good news is that now having identified the illness, we are working on isolating the gene causing it.’

When asked if the condition has a name the Professor replied: ‘Oh yes, sorry, we’ve named it Daily Mail Syndrome.’