Reality TV star, Joey Essex, has been approached by Theresa May and asked to use his common sense no-nonsense approach to mediate between Brexiteers and Remainers, with a brief to come up with a workable plan she can take to Europe.
Speaking to reporters Joey said: ‘I’m happy to help the nation if I can and that. Cos I fink it’s well bad all this arguing and slagging one another off, like. People should just be mates and not go kicking off about this and that. Mind, I don’t know naffink about the issues. Cos like I only just learnt to tie my shoelaces, but I’ll give it a go.’
And there was support for the lovable simpleton from an unlikely quarter in the form of Boris Johnson who commented: ‘Mr Essex represents the view of the man on the Clapham Omnibus, and the diplomatic world ignores his homespun wisdom at its peril.’
‘Indeed should he succeed in this endeavour then I would urge Mrs May to consider bringing him into government, maybe as Tsar for the Common Man.’
‘It would be an excellent strategy considering the success of our last celebrity appointment, Mary Portas, whom you recall, was engaged by Mr Cameron to save the nation’s ailing high streets. And as Mr Essex might say – she smashed that right out of the park!’