Without even a hint of irony, Theresa May, who has recently visited Brussels and Dublin to tell twenty seven other countries that they must change their plans to accommodate Britain’s wishes on how it will leave the EU, has slammed Donald Tusk as being arrogant.

‘We are Great Britain, not Compliant Britain,’ said Mrs May, ‘what bit of that do these Johnny Foreigners not get? Don’t they know that we once had a global Empire upon which the sun never set? We have voted to leave their club and leave we shall. But that doesn’t stop us dictating the terms to them.’

And in a rare show of support for the beleaguered PM, Boris Johnson has added his very considerable weight to the discussion. ‘I-I-I-I-I-I Haroombah-Haroombah! Wuff-ity Wuff-Wuff-Ruff!! These chaps, and particularly the Micks, need telling and they need telling straight. We’re better than they are. And I’m not just on about the the spud-munchers here. I mean all twenty-seven of them.’

‘We always have been the greatest nation ever and always will be. So what if we lied through our teeth to win the Brexit vote despite a) never believing we could win it and b) not having a bloody clue what we’d do if, God forbid, we ever did win it.

‘I mean come on, is reckless deceit and barefaced lying really such an awful thing? So bad that me, old Govey and Leadsom should all wind up in hell?’