There are reports this evening that Boris Johnson has found himself in hot water after failing to disclose in the House Of Commons Register of Members’ Financial Interests, that for years he has been moonlighting as a looky-likey celebrity impersonator.
The news comes in a sensational exposé that looks set to rock Westminster to its very foundations and just might cost Johnson, reported to be currently ‘on manoeuvers’, his tilt at the top job in British politics.
This weekend The Sunday Times will accuse the, I’ll-jump-on-any-bandwagon-if-it will-further-my-political-ambitions-even-if-I-vehemently-disagree-with-everything-it-stands-for opportunist, of playing Great Uncle Bulgaria at countless Wombles-themed events whilst also delivering hundreds of Singing Womblegrams at high-class society garden parties during the past twenty years.
His secret was unmasked by an investigative journalist from the paper who said: ‘For years I had suspected this was happening so I set out to trap him by setting up a fake birthday celebration for my daughter and asking a party planning agency specifically for Great Uncle Bulgaria to attend.’
‘After that it was quite simple, I posed as a billionaire donor who was keen to bankroll Boris’s attempts to overthrow Mrs May and in true Boris style he took the bait immediately revealing his identity, then promising me a knighthood and contracts as a retained government consultant as soon as he got his arse on the upstairs sofa at No.10. We will be releasing covert video footage of the whole thing on Sunday to corroborate the story.’
The Uxbridge and South Ruisplip MP was unavailable for comment today but his party agent said: ‘Boris is taking a short break undertaking unpaid work for a Keep Britain Tidy charity, you know, travelling underground and overground just walking round free. Making good use of the things he may find; things that the everyday folks leave behind.’