In what many are seeing as a diversion from their current Brexit Woes, Health Secretary Matt Hancock has hit back at claims, that under the Tories, the NHS is in a free-fall crisis with more and more departments within the sector failing to hit targets or improve levels of overall health and efficency.
Speaking at a hospital car park charges enabling conference in London Mr Hancock said: ‘Let me assure the entire nation that the NHS is safe under the Tories and that record levels of investment are helping to show successes across the entire health care sector. And nowhere is this more striking than in the recently released Tamagochi health, wellbeing and survival figures.’
‘Under this Tory government Tamagochi survival levels are up by 17% and early diagnoses of many possible life-ending conditions, such as flat batteries, being eaten by the dog or accidentally being dropped down the loo by a careless owner are improved by 43.7%. This shows the Tories are a caring and get-things-done administration and I am happy to discuss this excellent news with anyone who cares to dispute it.’
But critics were quick to rubbish the figures pointing out that Tamagochis are in fact not real beings and do not require any funding or input whatsoever from the NHS. They argue that in the real world hospitals are strapped for cash, waiting time targets at A&E are consistently not met and complaints in general are on the increase.
We contacted several Tamagochis asking for their views on the matter but their responses of just the odd pixel blinking on their little screens once every thirty minutes was inconclusive.