The Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs has announced that from May 1st Quinoa must be sold under the name ‘Dave’ to avoid any more embarrassing mispronunciation mix-ups, whenever those who are not health-food cranks attempt to buy it in their local supermarket.
A department spokesman told reporters: ‘It is becoming quite a problem with many of the uninitiated asking shop assistants for “quinn -hoo-hah” or “koony-nooy-wah” and all kinds of other variants. It just makes us look unsophisticated as a nation and quite frankly a little thick in the eyes of the rest of the world.’
‘So we had a brainstorming session yesterday and one clever young intern suggested that just like when UK Gold 2 changed its name to Dave, that was a nice easy name for anyone to say, so Dave it is.’
But the move has sparked fury among Hipsters and Middle-class foodies. Gyles Oldroyd a health food shop proprietor from Hoxton said: ‘This is preposterous and is yet again pathetic dumbing down and pandering to the lowest common denominator. I used to love sneering at and mocking people who came into the shop obviously having read about the superfood properties of Quinoa, but who hadn’t a clue how to pronounce its name. Now I won’t be able to do that any longer.’
However the government remains unrepentant with the spokesman suggesting that the change could be the thin end of the wedge: ‘If this goes well then there are plans to rename Tzatziki Jane and Gnocchi Darren and we shall see where we go after that.’