In the face of an upcoming exposé to be run in this coming weekend’s Mail on Sunday, Theresa May has been forced to admit that she underwent a complete personality bypass some years ago at an exclusive Swiss clinic.
It’s understood the information came to light following an incident where the clinic’s database was hacked, revealing it to be little more than a front for a controversial radicalisation process, now thought to have been responsible for treating many other right-wing political figures across Europe.
The article will claim that Mrs May elected for the ‘full and irreversible’ procedure whereby any vestige of a personality is irretrievably wiped from the patient’s mind, leaving them thereafter to inhabit a terrible netherworld existing only as an empty wraith-like shell totally devoid of compassion or empathy, but above all, without even the slightest scintilla of competence.
Reacting to the news Jeremy Corbyn said: ‘Hmm, well that explains a lot. For the past two years I have been looking into her eyes across the dispatch box but have never been able to detect even the slightest hint of humanity whatsoever behind them.’
Meanwhile further claims are to be made suggesting that Boris Johnson booked in for the same procedure five years ago. However his operation went badly wrong and he was somehow given the personality of a six year-old overprivileged spoilt brat who lies, cheats, twists, turns, stamps his feet and says absolutely anything he deems necessary in an attempt to get his own way, irrespective of whether he believes it or not.