Ninety seven year-old Arthur Pendlebury, a xenophobic moron and tragic Little Englander from Carshalton, has chained himself to the railings outside The Palace of Westminster and is refusing to leave until Mrs May’s Brexit deal is passed by the House of Commons, even if it takes another 24 readings and the DUP has to be bought off with a second tawdry £50 billion pound bribe.

Speaking to reporters he said: ‘Look the will of the people is being ignored here. I voted for Brexit and that’s what I want. I know that even with a bit of luck I’ll maybe only have one or two short years of being able to enjoy living in a country were all foreigners are banned, or better still jailed, and we finally have our cherished blue passports back. But at least I’ll die a happy man.’

When asked by one reporter whether he felt bad that now ‘having had his time’ Pendlebury was denying the ability of an entire new generation, with sixty years plus ahead of them to live as Europeans, the former public lavatory attendant replied: ‘Fack ’em the little gits. Where was they when I was on the ground staff at RAF Scampton fighting to keep the bloody Hun at bay? They was nowhere to be seen, that’s were. Poncing around doing fack all I should imagine.’

‘Look mate, this country of ours ain’t named Great Britain for nothing. It’s called Great cos we are GREAT and we always have been. What’s more you can… what… it’s called Great because it’s the largest of the British Isles, you say? No it ain’t. No way. Fack off you traitorous bastard!’