JD Wetherspoon instructed their staff to close pub doors at 5.30 yesterday afternoon because their nationwide ‘Today is our Independence Day Celebration’ parties had to be cancelled as Britain failed to exit the EU at 11.00 pm as previously announced.

Wetherspoon Head Honcho and arch Brexit supporter, Tim Martin, looking forlorn and devastated told reporters yesterday: ‘Look, hey. You know this is a bad bad day. Yeah? I had anticipated making an absolute killing selling rivers of booze to morons all night long as Britain left the EU, but… err… I mean erm…’

‘Look, hey. You know this is a bad bad day. Yeah? The will of the people who actually chose ‘leave’, have had their votes thrown back in their faces. But having said that how am I going to flog any booze under these circumstances?’ 

‘Because you see all of this Brexit indecision has hit British businesses really hard and none more so than mine. I’ve laid out a tens of thousands for these parties and it’s cost me… err… sorry, I mean it’s taken a heavy toll on Britain’s reputation around the world. What price democracy?’ 

‘And talking of price… I’d just like say that our specially brewed pale ale ‘Taking Back Sovereignty’ will be on a generous 75% discount from all of our outlets tomorrow. And don’t worry about it tasting sour… it’s meant to.’

Meanwhile James Pembroke, an architect and ardent remain supporter from St Albans commented: ‘Hahaha… hohoho… hahaha… hehehe… hahaha… Hahaha… hohoho… hahaha… hehehe… hahaha… Hahaha… hohoho… hahaha… hehehe… hahaha… Hahaha… hohoho… hahaha… hehehe… hahaha… Talk about piss-ups and breweries. Priceless, isn’t it?’