Super Sales Manager Phil Redmere has been ‘top dog’ in every sales team he has worked in. From irrigation systems to patio doors he’s sold the lot and then some.

It’s brought him many of the finer things in life too. A four-bedroomed house in Cheadle, the stunning Pauline is now his wife, and don’t let’s forget his Florida beach front villa complete with 20-metre swimming pool.

But now he’s intending to turn his back on all of that. Speaking to Concrete Reinforcing Journal he said: ‘It’s true. I really am quitting. I woke up one morning and just realised that I wasn’t a Sales Manager at all. A much more accurate job description would be Total Wanker.’

‘I’ve spent twenty or more years being a twat. Telling lies, blowing smoke up the arses of people I despise and just being an absolute dick. Nobody likes me – certainly none of my reps who only laugh at my jokes because I’d sack them if they didn’t.’

Currently working his notice Phil is facing an uncertain future, because as an alternative to selling he briefly trialed life as a Buddhist Monk, however he was quickly asked to leave the monastery when he tried to sign his brother monks up for an online wellness meditation service. ‘I just couldn’t resist the commission structure,’ he said.