Members of a Home Counties Neighbourhood Watch Group think they maybe ought to do something after that nosy woman who’s always snooping on everyone from behind her net curtains hasn’t been seen for a few days now.

At last night’s meeting it was agreed group chairman, Julian Taylor, could maybe just knock on her door and if there’s no answer have quick ‘shufty’ through the letterbox.

But if he’s not met with an overpowering stench assailing his very senses, he will likely let things go for another few days and then try again… well he might, anyway.

Mr Taylor confirmed ‘We look after one another here and although it’s a concern the woman hasn’t been seen, this is an area where we like to give people their own privacy.’

‘So I wouldn’t like to get too involved and maybe run the risk of actually having to interact with her in person. No no no! Heaven forbid!’

‘Naturally I hope she hasn’t fallen over, hit her head on a coffee table and is now currently lying unconscious on the floor with the last of her life slowly ebbing away,’ he adds thoughtfully.

‘However at the end of the day I’m sure she wouldn’t want us poking our noses in unnecessarily, say by getting the police involved for example.’

‘I expect she’ll reappear before too long because there’s a fine line that we would never wish to cross. After all we’re not bloody Northerners.’