Members of a Surrey Neighbourhood Watch Group think they maybe ought to do something after that nosy woman who’s always snooping on everyone from behind her net curtains hasn’t been seen for a few days now.

At last night’s meeting it was agreed group chairman, Mark Lansing, could perhaps just knock on her door. If there’s no answer he may have quick ‘shufty’ through the letterbox, but if not met with an overpowering stench assailing his very senses, he will likely let things go for another few days and then maybe try again… well possibly.

Mr Lansing confirmed ‘We look after one another here and although it’s a concern the woman hasn’t been seen, this is an area where we like to give people their own privacy.’

‘So I wouldn’t like to get too involved and maybe run the risk of actually having to interact with her in person. No no no! Heaven forbid!’

‘Naturally I hope she hasn’t fallen over, hit her head on a coffee table and is now currently lying unconscious on the floor with the last of her life slowly ebbing away,’ adds Mark thoughtfully.

‘But at the end of the day I’m sure she wouldn’t want us meddling unnecessarily, say by getting the police involved for example. I expect she’ll reappear before too long… hopefully anyway.’

‘You see there’s a fine line that we would never cross by invading someone’s personal space. After all it’s not as if we’re Northerners.’