Concerns are growing for former Police frontman and global superstar, Sting, following reports that he was admitted to an exclusive rehab clinic in LA suffering from acute advanced pretentiousness (AAP).

Fears began building for the Message in a Bottle megastar when it was announced his next album project is to be a ten-disc CD set of tone poems intended as an homage to Ulysses by Jame Joyce, with one piece being a forty-minute orchestral suite in three movements.

Dr Marvin Schultz the clinic’s director said: ‘I can confirm that Sting is currently with us receiving treatment over the coming days. AAP is quite a really complex disorder and needs to be nipped in the bud, you need look no further than Bono for proof of what it can lead to if not successfully checked.

‘But we’re hopeful that once Sting’s  treatment is complete, and even though he’s still adamant about going into the studio, thankfully it will be just to make a regular rock album.’

Meanwhile sneery trendy music critic Steve Murray, himself no stranger to pretentiousness, commented: ‘What can I say? It’s really terrible news. Sting’s going to make a new album.’