EastEnders has been blazing a trail since its very first episode in 1985, and since then it’s brought us a remarkable number of TV firsts, not least when pivotal character “Dirty” Den Watts was assassinated then mysteriously reappeared only to be murdered again some years later.
But according to our sources then what the show has lined up next will knock everything that’s ever gone before into a cocked-hat.
In a sensational storyline show stalwart Ian Beale is to be abducted by an alien spacecraft as he’s taking a shortcut across Albert Square en-route to The Queen Vic… but that’s just the half of it!
Hapless Ian will then have every orifice probed by the extraterrestrial visitors, with the whole strand culminating in a post-watershed XXX two-hander where he has full-on sex with an alien female. This union will spawn a mutant race that will quickly take over Walford before waging war on neighbouring Balham.
A show runner preferring no to be identified said: ‘Imagine Dr Who meets 50 Shades of Grey. Well double that and you might just be about halfway to what we’ve got. Top brass are expecting to catch a lot of flack but our driver is that ratings have been slipping to Corrie and we needed a red tops headline-grabber.’
Meanwhile a spokesman for Coronation Street commented: ‘This is cheap sensationalism at its very worst! I’m glad we don’t need to lose our show’s reputation and integrity using these kind of grubby tactic.’
‘I mean can you ever imagine such a plot involving Albert Tatlock? Nudity and alien sex? Come on! He would never have contemplated doing a scene where he even had to remove his flat cap.’