A small child has stunned hard-bitten commentators and political analysts alike – all of whom have been scratching about since yesterday evening desperately trying to establish the true facts behind Gavin Williamson’s sacking – by writing a remarkably cogent article on why the hapless former Defence Secretary was metaphorically shat upon from a great height.
Ollie Magnusson, a three year-old who is barely yet out of nappies and who attends Wee People Nursery in Carshalton said.
‘Our teacher Miss Fotheringay asked us to write something about today’s news so I wrote an essay on why Mr Williamson was sacrificed by the ghastly and misanthropic Tories, who let’s face it, are in complete disarray over their shambolic handling of Brexit, and consequently were desperate to put up this wafer-thin smokescreen in a useless but nevertheless cynical attempt to dupe the public.’
‘Of course Mr Williamson didn’t help his prospects by being a massive tool during the tenure of his ministry, a well-documented litany of gross incompetence simply leaving him a sitting duck in their sights, what with his infantile and quite frankly risible “go away and shut up” to Putin not to mention his other all too frequent embarrassing gaffes; many too many to contemplate.’
‘There was no need for Mrs May to provide us with any hard evidence to prove he leaked anything to the press at all. However the opportunity for her to play her part in what was quite obviously a gruesome stage-managed sham trial, set up by Conservative Campaign Headquarters, was too good to pass by.’
‘When the whole sleazy pantomime was played out to the public by way of the usual serious-faced sanctimonious nods, winks and hints about the nation’s safety and security being betrayed, it was more than enough to ensure Gavin’s career was ended on the spot. He’ll be lucky to get a job as a lavatory attendant after this.’
‘In the final analysis, it was really all just exactly like my little Meerkat doll says when I press his tummy…Simples!’
‘Now do you think I could have my milk and biscuits please as it will soon be time for our nap?’