In a surprise move it has been announced that The DUP is to relocate its headquarters from a dowdy old rundown commercial backstreet building, to a 75-room state-of-the-art super-mansion on on the outskirts of Belfast.
It’s unclear where funding for this has come from but a party spokesman Hector Finlayson said: ‘Yes. indeed, there has been a donation made by a wealthy benefactor to fund our new HQ, so there has, and of course we are very pleased to accept this most generous offer.’
‘The benefactor wishes not to be identified and we will naturally comply with her… ah, ballix! Err… I mean their wishes.’
Originally built for a Russian oligarch who has now left the province the mansion comes complete with a health spa, swimming pool, home cinema and a restaurant that will be run by a 3-starred Michelin Chef.
In addition to the communal facilities there are also twelve penthouse suites and it’s understood current DUP MPs are looking forward to moving into their new digs once these have been decorated and furnished to each of their individual tastes.
The hunt is now on by press and media all of whom are desperate to unmask the identity of mystery donor, but so far the only lead they have is one sighting of a mystery angular female with a croaky voice leaving the current HQ in a chauffeur-driven limousine accompanied by police motorcycle outriders.