Breakfast broadcaster and GMB’s biggest anchor, Piers Morgan, has seized power at ITV Studios and established a new channel called Morgan TV which will broadcast nothing but programmes featuring the puffed-up windbag every evening for ten hours.
In a video loop on the channel’s website, Morgan says tonight’s grand opening schedule (available on Sky on 1543) will consist of his two hard-hitting GMB Donald Trump interviews followed by the entire 2008 series of Celebrity Apprentice USA that he won.
Speaking later to press at a glitzy launch party he said: ‘The nation wants this. They love me and my brand of incisive interviewing. I can get right to the nitty-gritty with everyone. Did you see me aboard Airforce One with Mr Trump on GMB? Wasn’t I just brilliant?’
‘Donald was eating out of the palm of my hand. To be honest we’d still be recording more great stuff now only I had to wrap things up. Wow! How great am I?’
‘Every other broadcast and newspaper journalist in the country was gutted that I got the scoop. That’s sad, real sad, but it’s down to my incredible journalistic instinct, along with my amazing willingness to lick Trump’s arse all day long. I’m just so a-bloody-may-zing that I can’t believe it myself.’
‘You know, if I could somehow manage it, I’d never get anything done as I’d likely be trying to shag myself fucking stupid all day long.’
When asked for her thoughts on the development, Morgan’s co-host on Good Morning Britain, Susanna Reid, said: ‘He hasn’t shut up about Airforce One in almost a year. It’s just so tedious. But as I said to Charlotte (Hawkins) – Orifice One more like.’