As the second golfing ‘Major’ of the season got underway in New York pundits and competitors alike were astounded, when following the signing of an executive order late last night to qualify himself for the tournament, President Trump joined the field in his first tilt at major glory.
As he made his way to the first tee he told reporters: ‘I’m a great golfer. Just so great. Ask any of my golfing buddies and they’ll tell you, especially my young execs. None of them has ever beaten me. Not one! FACT!’
‘Also I now own some of the world’s most iconic golf courses. Do you really think that anyone is going to invest in golf to that extent if he isn’t a real swell player? That would be to display crass vulgarity of the bigly worst kind and everyone knows this POTUS ain’t crass or vulgar. Anyways I gotta tee it up now with Tiger and Rory so get the hell outta my way guys.’
Five hours later after carding a record 132 strokes, 62 over par, which is the worst score ever recorded in a professional tournament, Mr Trump announced he was pulling out of the tournament.
Speaking at the post-round press call he said:‘You know I hit it well out there, real great and set myself up nicely to make my move tomorrow, but unfortunately I gotta pull out of the championship.’
‘I received some important intelligence. Stormy Daniels is in town and guess I’ll hardly be able to walk tomorrow let alone swing a golf club. Wow!’