A farmer from Thetford harvesting his fields of root vegetables was completely flabbergasted when he discovered that every single one of them looked like male genitals.

Farmer’s wife, Joan Cooper, said last night: ‘It was quite extraordinary. When it came time to dig up our spuds and parsnips we just couldn’t believe what we saw. It was just huge massive knobs and thumping great bollocks everywhere we looked. Great big enormous members thrusting proudly… oops!…sorry…erm… please don’t print that bit will you.’

And farmer Cooper chuckled: ‘Some of our casual workers are students and we knew something was wrong, when in particular, we saw some of the girls blushing, tittering and laughing like school kids immediately after I’d had turned over the earth.’

‘Well I jumped down off of me tractor, and bugger me like, it was cocks and balls everywhere. I hardly knew where to put myself with the embarrassment of it all. But luckily everyone took it in good part and I think they realised that I hadn’t meant no harm and that it was a freak of nature really.

Mind, it’s just such a pity that Esther Rantzen’s not on the TV any more or we might’ve been even bigger than Prince the “sausages” dog.’