It’s understood that Secretary of State for Incompetence, Chris Grayling, has missed the opportunity of joining almost everyone else in the Conservative Parliamentary Party and that consequently his name will not go forward in the first ballot to find a new leader.

A close colleague of Mr Grayling said: ‘It’s a shame really as he went out and bought a Homburg to use to enter the fray, especially in honour of Winston Churchill. He practiced throwing technique in the back garden by tossing the hat into an inflatable swimming pool and was very pleased with how he fared before heading for Westminster’

‘But sadly, in the event, when it was his turn to throw the hat into the ring, he missed it by at least five feet.’