Two days before his State Visit to Britain and in total disregard for all diplomatic protocols and conventions, President Trump has bulldozed his way onto Britain’s political stage by throwing his not inconsiderable weight behind Boris Johnson’s bid for leadership of the Party.

Referring to himself in the third person, a mode of speech very popular with many unhinged megalomaniacs, Trump said: ‘Norris John-stone is a heck of a swell guy, just one of the greats. He’s right up there with your iconic wartime King, His Excellency Kingston Burchill,’ he told reporters.

‘Horace is a man very much in my own mould who shoots straight from the hip and has no time to get sidelined by the niceties or conventions of proper decent behaviour. Yes sir, he’d make a truly fine Prince Regent of your quaint old British Empire. Just the best. Donald Trump can sure do business with a guy like that.’

But the President was quick to give short shrift to another of the candidates, Michael Gove. ‘That’s the guy who looks like some kinda gremlin? Right? Well he’s no good. That guy would do a bad job, such a bad job. FACT! I think I’m right in saying he once criticised my foreign policy. So if any more proof were needed… you know what I’m saying?’

‘Although I just might be prepared to give my blessing to that Esther McVey dame. She seems kinda switched on. I think I could work with her. Why not get her people to fix up a meeting with me in my suite when I’m in over there and we’ll see what I can do.’