Game of Thrones fan, Boris Johnson, who is understood to have loved the show because of the political scheming, backstabbing and sex-lax morals, has taken a leaf out of Ceresi Lannister’s book and fled to his own ‘Red Keep’ somewhere in Uxbridge High Street.

His actions have been widely seen as an attempt to hide from journalists and broadcast media during the Tory Party leadership race.

Ser Clement Mayhew, aka Small Knob, a close confidant of Johnson’s commented: ‘The prize is within touching-distance and we can’t risk Boris dropping any of his clangers to fuck everything up at the last minute.’

‘Nevertheless he would like it to be known that upon winning the Iron Throne he will divert our weekly £350,000,000 Brexit rebate, gifting it instead to the moderately well-off middle-classes as a vote-grabbing tax bribe.’

Taking a bit of a punt one journalist from ‘the North’ who keeps racing pigeons sent one off to seek out Johnson’s secret location with a message attached.

It pointed out experts have proven many times over that the £350,000,000 a week never existed and that it was a cynical lie served up to dupe intellectually challenged racist bigots and xenophobes.

In due course, and much to everyone’s astonishment, the bird returned carrying with it Mr Johnson’s reply. The small illuminated parchment written with quill pen in Latin has been subsequently translated.

That money is and always was available. Even yet big piles of it line every corridor of EU’s Brussels and Strasbourg strongholds. I wrote about it on the side of a big red chariot that time so it must be true. Don’t you remember?